


A Damned Man's Prayers

by notyouranswer (gorgeouschaos)



Series: Hallowed Be Thy Name [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Minor Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 14:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20292790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeouschaos/pseuds/notyouranswer
Summary: Dean doesn't know how to pray until he meets Cas.





	A Damned Man's Prayers

Dean hasn’t really prayed since his father shoved Sam into his arms and told him to run.

He hasn’t believed in angels since Mary Winchester burned on Sammy’s ceiling.

Dean has no interest in begging, especially not to anything that lets the shit he sees happen.

\---

The closest Dean has ever come to praying is Sam’s name. Breathing it into the silence on the highway, saying it into the phone line with exasperation, yelling it, muttering it, screaming it on the rack even after he forgets what his own is.

(Not that he remembers that. Dean shouldn’t, because if he did, he wouldn’t be able to let Sam out of his sight, so Dean very firmly tells himself he does not remember the fact that Alastair could not take Sam.

Everything else. But not Sammy.)

\---

Dean prays after Hell, sometimes.

Hell didn’t teach him how to pray. It taught him how to break, how to take decades of endless torture and still remember Sam’s name, taught him how to completely fracture another human being in less than an hour. 

He doesn’t pray because Hell made him a believer-- it made him more of the opposite, if anything. He prays because sometimes Cas answers.

_It’s not praying if it’s a means of communication,_ Dean tells himself as he tilts his face skyward reluctantly.

(Still, Castiel listens, even if Dean doesn’t realize he’s praying to him.

_God, Cas, the stars are pretty tonight... Wonder if you were around to help make those._

_Cas, Sam’s snoring louder than a drunk walrus. Will one of your pain-in-the-ass siblings smite me if I smother him?_

_You _have_ to try this pie, Cas._

_Cas, I wish you were here._

Castiel finds the small, inadvertent prayers endearing.)

\---

Dean has no faith in God and His angels, but he does have faith in Cas.

\---

Purgatory teaches Dean to pray.

Where Hell was the absence of anything but endless pain and an impossible choice, Purgatory is pure, savage freedom that strips the pretense from Dean’s bones. 

Every night-- or what passes for night in the endless grey forests of Purgatory-- Dean prays to Cas, his desperation almost drowning out his message. Benny keeps reluctant watch and Dean gets down on his knees and prays for the first time he can remember to save an angel.

\---

If Dean prays after he gets out, well.

He doesn't need to worry about anyone hearing it anymore.


End file.
